Why doesn't she want to make love? Convince your girlfriend to sleep with you

nnMany times, women are identified as having low or no “libido”. This term is often used to describe the absence of desire to indulge in sex or forms of eroticism. It's easy to assume that women who have "low libido" are struggling in some area and just need to be "fixed." Many clients ask, "Is it because of my hormones? A lack of attraction to my partner? Is it because of my age? What should I do or take to get us back to having sex like we used to?" I don't understand why I don't want sex, ? really never." n

She doesn't want to make love

nTo begin, we need to be careful with the term "libido" to describe the desire to have sex, and begin to recognize that our sexual desires are much more complex than just spontaneous biological desire. urgent to orgasm. When we use the term "libido", we imply that we HAD to have sex and that if we never have that urge, then something must be evil in us. We biologically have the desire to drink water, to eat food, to be warm... to just survive. nnThe trap here, no one died from not having made love. This is why we should be careful when using the term "libido" to describe sexual behavior. desire to want sex. We all have a drive to drink water, eat, or sleep, which are essential to our existence. We don't have the same biological drive to have sex because our bodies aren't... need it to survive. nnThat said, there are still plenty of people (and for the purposes of this blog, more generally, people who identify as women)Women ask themselves the question "What's wrong with me?" when they don't feel like having sex with their partner. Many people assume it's a biological or hormonal issue. Many just chalk it up to age and assume their libido is long gone. n

You're wondering how to have sex

nMost likely, there's nothing "wrong" with her body. Yes, it would be a good idea to be up to date on her health screenings, but often the reason she doesn’t want to have sex has nothing to do with bodily functions and hormones. It has to do with how She relates to sex, her sexual self, and her partner. It often has everything to do with what she thinks and feels on a daily basis. The specific context of the day can either send her into a spiral of stress and exhaustion or be an opportunity for excitement and sexual play. nnNow the key is mindset. The largest sexual organ in the body is the brain. Without a conscious decision to be open to letting go of control and allowing an organic experience to occur, more often than not the desire to have sex will be pushed aside. Many women are bombarded with the endless to-do list they impose on themselves. nnUnfortunately, this list often includes the perception of a stressful obligation to have sex.which makes desire even more negative. Women are often too "busy" internally to have time to ask themselves what they want. want todo . Women can get stuck in their own heads and put a lot of pressure on themselves to do more, which ultimately limits the space in their brain to make the decision to... want n

sex.

nAre you wondering how to have good sex? What's also interesting is that more often than not women need to be aroused before they can make the full decision to... want n

sex. That's right...

nWomen often have to make the decision to want sex, wait for their body to alert them that they're ready to go. Women's sexual responses can be understood by thinking of a cycle. First, it starts with willingness. When the context nnfeels safe (which is different for every woman), she can make the decision to open herself up to an organic sexual experience. Second, once she is mentally open, she allows her body to become aroused. Once her body is aroused, she can make the conscious (and aroused) decision to want sex. nnThe cycle may need to be repeated if she is stuck in her head for part of the sexual experience and is not present. nnIn general, men's sexual responses are linear, starting with desire, leading to arousal, and then finally ending with orgasm, before plateauing. So you can understand how women may perceive that they have a "problem" when they never "want" sex (like men do). nnIn reality, men's and women's sexual responses are very different, and when we understand them, we are less likely to personalize the symptoms and support each other in different ways. n

As a woman, it is important to understand the appropriate context in which she feels most willing to have sex. Is it about spending more quality time with your partner? Is it less housework or less general stress? Is it a moment of solitude to recharge your batteries? Is it all at once? Is it being complimented or petted in a certain way? When she is able to identify it, she will be able to communicate more about what gives you both the green light to initiate sexual experiences.

nShe wonders how to make love with a new partner? nnWhen sex becomes a challenge for her, it may indicate that there is a huge imbalance in her life. For example, she may not have the opportunity to offload responsibilities and wants to feel closer to her partner on an emotional level. She may also not want sex because she is not in tune with her own body and sexuality. She can reject her own sexual needs nnand prioritizes everything else, which is frustrating for both parties. When both people can communicate more honestly, you can work together to create intentional space for the context to align and promote an organic, pressure-free sexual experience. nnBefore blaming or feeling rejected, we should find space to understand each other. The sexual responses of men and women are biologically very different, and the connection between the two of you may be slightly off. nn